so i came to a realization today...a very painful one. i miss Utah. yeah i know! crazy right?! but then we always knew there was something a bit off with me...like the time i rode my bike directly off the 18,000 foot cement platform (5 ft building foundation) behind my house. or maybe the fact that i would stow books under my pillow and between my mattresses so i could stay up reading the berenstain bears until 3 am.
I knew i would miss my friends and my job. that was expected. however, the thought of missing the state itself...i had actually always wanted nothing more than to get out of it. and now...i am in france and i want nothing more than to be back in ugly Utah. (yes i know the mountains are pretty and they have lots of pretty temples...but Utah just isn’t my type when it comes to looks)
it took conference weekend of all things to make me see why. I MISS THE CHURCH! okay so i go to church here...i’m not going apostate or anything...there is a great spirit here and all that but the church isn’t as present here. in Utah (and Idaho) there are many members. it is hard to find someone who isn’t a member. much more difficult is finding someone who doesn't know anything about us. Here, if they have heard of us, they think we are a cult. (bear in mind i’m not angry at any french people and i love france. it’s a great place.:]) that just seems to be how it is. Those who are members and would have many deep things to talk about...speak french. those who speak english well enough to talk deeply are amazing and far between...i know of one...maybe 2 and i love them dearly for those spiritual times i have shared with them. I’m sure i wouldn’t miss Utah nearly as much if i spoke french better.
anyway the point is, in Utah there is an LDS church right across from your house and you could be in a completely different stake. you have many things like enrichment and walk and talks and things that go on all week. you have visiting teaching that all too often doesn't happen but they try. and you have church with people that have been LDS all their lives so they are thinking on deeper levels of the gospel. (not saying that you have to be born in the church to think on the deeper topics) anyway...i miss church and the temples and everything that is so terribly churchy in provo and i miss all my dear friends that i had so many discussions with. it’s hard not being able to understand what is being talked about in church. and it is hard for me to retain anything even when i do understand because i’m working so hard on simply, understanding what is being said.
sigh...i will get better and i will survive! i do really miss you all though. i send my love and hugs! i hope all is well.
Monday, October 6, 2008
a cold day in hell
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6 comments:
Ah, Whitney, I feel for you. When I lived in Florida, I hated it. I could not wait until I could get out of there. But, when I moved, I missed it. I know it's not quite the same but I know the feeling.
BTW, is there an email address that I could write to you? I pretty much live on the internet and would love to email you and stuff.
I love you. Take care.
Samantha
To know and follow Christ is to be alone, to walk the lonely path that He and his apostles walked.
"Walk down that lonesome road all by yourself. Don't turn your head back over your shoulder, and only stop to rest yourself when the silver moon is shining high above the trees."
A little grim. K, so maybe they spiced up that path in the Mountain West being a majority and all.
I found the French to be sensible and passionate about a lot of things. I envy both of you for the chance you have to immerse yourself in things that are meaningful to the French... like bisous (it sounds silly, but it really is a meaningful and important thing that is without compare in North America).
i wasn't sure how to say this one without sounding like i hate it here. it really is great here. i love it and it is fun and interesting. i think I'm just getting to a point where i miss everyone. And in all honesty it is my fault that i came to a country that i don't know the language. i'm certain the French are very passionate about things. i just wish i could discuss those things with them.
being here has also made me realize how easy it is being LDS back home. but we make it seem so hard. i think when i get home i will joyfully skip the half a block to church and go to absolutely every meeting possible...
anywho...i'm learning and growing up a bit more everyday..i feel so young and childish sometimes... and not in a good way. kinda like when you are about 10 years old and starting to listen in on the adults' conversation but not really knowing exactly what they are talking about and not being able to get a word in edgewise...if you even have anything to say...yeah. sometimes it's painful. all well.
Sam: my e-mail is whitney.burtenshaw@gmail.com...really hard huh?
love you!
Wow, I remember the feeling of people treating me like a little kid there because I had a hard time with French, I feel for you.
yeah its really hard sometimes because mark is an amazing speaker and i'm sitting next to him completely lost as to what they are saying because it is going SO FAST! i can sort of understand if they talk slow but with mark being so well spoken they talk just like normal so it just gives me a big headache...lol :] its okay though. it's a great place and church is ever so slowly getting less painful.
so not my fault. i blame jay. he taught me to talk. like "connerie" and stuff like that. no... wait. that was frere lascols again...
still not my fault.
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